Hey, I Deserve It! Or Do I?

Why do we tend to feel like we deserve things? What occurred in our youth to make us feel this sense of entitlement? Do we really deserve everything that we think we deserve? No, we don’t. Let's just get that straight right now.

Over the past while, I've thought about this error in human thinking, which I am now calling THE FALLACY OF ENTITLEMENT (The caps were intended to add a dramatic appeal for all my readers).

Here’s a point to ponder while we discuss this FALLACY OF ENTITLEMENT: A few months ago, I heard “pride” defined as “a sense of entitlement”. How is an attitude of entitlement or a feeling that “everyone owes me” pride?

Let's try to work through this situation together:

Let's say Bob works hard in school and achieves a 4.0 GPA. Because of his exceptional work, Bob thinks he's a hotshot (although he'll never say it) and thinks he deserves a good internship or job when he graduates. Let's say that he does land a great job with the chance to climb the corporate ladder. Something inside Bob tells him that he's worked so hard in school that he deserves to be at this company and will easily move up the ladder for the same reason.

This sense of entitlement that Bob is feeling is a fundamental error in our way of thinking that could hinder his opportunity to succeed. By taking the entitlement approach, he is essentially saying that "OTHER PEOPLE OWE ME because of what I've already done".

The better approach that Bob could have taken was to view everything as an opportunity. His education was an opportunity; the job was an opportunity; and the chance to climb the ladder was an opportunity. By viewing these situations as opportunities, Bob might just change the way he views the job, views the people he works with, and life itself.

Here’s another one of my futile attempts to explain this concept:
We all like to ask for favors, and people do the same to us. Sometimes, when a friend asks for one, we automatically think of which way the scale is tipping--who owes whom more. In other words, when we do something for someone else by request, we start thinking of ways that we can “use” them in return (for a lack of a better word).

Here’s an example of this:

My roommate, Chris, asked me to drive him somewhere about 3 miles away and back. While we were driving along, I asked if I could eat one slice of the bread he had with him. Chris, also a business major, realized that he might have an opportunity for personal gain and jokingly said, “I don’t mind; it’s just $0.50 per slice.” Recognizing an opportunity to put Chris in his place, I said, “That’s fine; we’ll just apply that same rate to this trip--$0.50 per mile. You now owe me $2.50.”

Now, his remark was in jest, but the thought of personal gain was present and perfect for teaching this principle. Now you might say, “But Trent, YOU also saw an opportunity after he asked you for a ride by asking for a free slice of bread.” You’re right! And I did it without even thinking! That is what I’m trying to say!

I can think of more examples, such as trying to negotiate discounts on set prices or trying to barter with your own family or friends. I call this the “self-dictated discount”.

Why can’t we just serve others? Why can’t we just give without expecting something in return? Here’s a little secret--WE CAN! (And no, I didn’t steal that from a 2008 presidential campaign.)

Since I began pondering this concept, I have tried to simply serve others or help others without complaining. I have tried to forget myself, my feelings, and my wants. And I think it helps me remember that I am nothing and deserve nothing.